Friday, June 19, 2009

The Circle of Life

Ok. Does anyone remember the story of the mysterious land crab that terrorized us one night in Lira? I think we may have cracked the case.

We have a minor cockroach problem in our house. Actually, to be accurate, we have a minor cockroach problem only in the back bedrooms of our house. There are a bunch of tiny, transparent cockroach babies crawling on the walls most nights. Gross, I know.

On the other hand, though, we have a major, swine-flu pandemic, the communists have landed in Philadelphia, red-alert cockroach problem in our kitchen. In fact, Luke and I had a long, serous conversation the other day about just how big the monsters really are.


I said, and still believe, that they are the size of milano cookies. Luke says I'm being a melodramatic little princess, but sadly we can't find any milano to test my theory with (sad on a number of levels, you can be sure). He says they are the size of a nutter butter, which could be true for all I know, but is about as helpful as saying the bugs are the size of a typical crumpet in pre-Victorian London. In other words, what kind of gap-toothed redneck half-breed knows what a nutter butter is? Not me, that's for sure. But I bet it goes well with mountain dew.

How big are the primitive little beasts? When you step on them, they don't really crunch. They squish, like stepping on a mouse. Or a housecat. But of course, that only happens if you're lucky enough to kill it straightaway. Otherwise they will usually carry you halfway across the room. Last night one tried to knock me out by escaping underneath the door. Damn near got me too. I think it was only by the grace of god and the cushioning effect of a seriously handsome Clark Gable mustache that i wasn't bested.

Our brilliant solution? Much like our plan to kill all mosquito interlopers by encouraging the geckos to be fruitful, multiply and make themselves at home (so far so good- You don't know fun until you've sat on a couch drinking beer and trying to put odds on lizard creeping across the ceiling towards insect), we are just going to get some chickens.

Hopefully they will be civilized enough to refrain from pooping all over the kitchen. Otherwise (and between you and me, its going to happen no matter what), we will just have to slaughter them and roast them up for luke's birthday. With any luck, this won't happen until after a highly successful all-you-can-eat cockroach buffet.

3 comments:

  1. Dr. Abu al-WazeeJune 19, 2009 at 6:36 PM

    I think the idea of using biological control measures is excellent. I don't know whether chickens are the right choice, but they're certainly available. Good luck with housebreaking a chicken.

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  2. According to my roommate, cats will also chase cockroaches. At least they do in the Philipines. . . .

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  3. I take it that Africans don't consider cockroaches as tasty as the large flying bugs that you were served a couple of weeks ago.

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