I kilt me a lion

I think it's kind of against the rules to be a mzungu in Africa and not go on safari. So, because we're good anthropologists and all, we went on a little safari. Because they're awesome, our friends at MUBS (the Ugandan business school we work with) hooked us up with a basically free trip. They do a trip every year with Drake University in Iowa, and somehow get all the park fees waived. Plus they do it in a bus, so we didn't have to pay any transport fees. All told we got a major hookup that allowed us to do something we otherwise probably wouldn't have because its so expensive. Thanks everyone.

It was a fun trip, it was interesting to spend time with American college kids again after such a long time away. Even though they were from the Midwest and as bizarre to me as anyone on this planet. What is this Midwest-Nice, why are you so friendly? It was a weird experience after explaining the basics of my country to so many people over the last couple months, I had to explain the basics of Oregon all over again (between California and Washington- no not that Washington, the state) and admit that I knew nothing about Iowa besides what I've seen on tv. "So do you really have nothing but cornfields for miles?" "Yup." "Do you really ride tractors to school?" "Sometimes."

Anyway without further ado, the animals...

First we saw zebras. I can't figure out why zebras are so cool. I mean they're basically just horses that wear their pajamas to work. Something about them though, they're so cool.

Later we went to Queen Elizabeth National Park. There we went out on a boat to do a little river safari which was awesome. One other thing, meeting these college students really showed us how far we've come in the few months we've been here. We were playing tour guide fielding questions, explaining what this is and why it is that way. Much like the real tour guides here, we made up a solid 1/3 of our facts because these silly mzungus don't know the difference anyway. "You know those birds mate for life. If his wife dies, he's so sad that he dives to the bottom of the ocean and stays there till he dies." "Those two elephants there, they're called Marcus and Potato. They've been here since the park opened. You can identify them by Marcus' ragged left ear, and you always know that his wife potato will be with him. Trust me, I know."

We saw a bunch of elephants, which were so cool. Unlike elephants at the zoo, these guys were happy. Not depressed and listless like every other elephant I've seen, but just chillin, stoked to be elephants. I'm not sure, but I think our elephants look different. They're pale and pink, like me. Am I wrong? I was told there were tame elephants there that you can kind of kick it with. I brought a banana and everything, prepared for the coolest picture ever, but I was deceived- they were not theya. Of course I forgot about the banana until I reached into my pocket that night and found a sticky smushed mess. So that's what smelled like spoiled fruit. It was me!

(you'ze a bad mutha)

We were walking along the path and stumbled across some tracks. Now I'm now biologist, but that looks like a cat print. A big cat print. (The little clump of dirt at the bottom was like an inch or two across).

I think this is an Impala or something. This aint National Geographic, so that's the best I can do.

We saw lots of buffaloes. Not exactly the coolest cats in the jungle. Maybe if they didn't have they nerdiest haircut in creation they'd like a little more imposing and wouldn't get punked for their lunch money by the hippo.


We also saw tons of hippos. Now they say that hippos are the most dangerous animals in Africa. I don't know that I buy it. Maybe if he's mistakes you for a bag of cheetos... Ya Fat Bastard. The hippos were funny though, they looked like big fat naked babies or something.
(No I don't have any more Cheezy Poofs to share with you.)

This is allegedly a picture of lion. What, you can't see him? Well, that orange smear in the middle-ish region, they say, was a lion and her two cubs. We could say something rolling and jumping around, evidently lion cubs. Although I don't know that they weren't rocks. I tried to get or friend to go take a closer look, but he wasn't buying it. He said he'd get me a picture of him with the lions if I'd walk out there and get him a soda first. No dice.

We saw crocodiles too, but honestly I wasn't that impressed. Our gators in the South are way cooler, and you can feed those guys raw chicken from a stick. Maybe all the biggest ones were sleeping because it was the middle of the day. Shoutout to feeding deep fried gator to the gators in Florida.

As you can see from the pic on the right, you can't be a white man on safari without a Safari Mustache.

One other thing: One of the Drake kids explained the food chain to us in a way that I think really makes sense. "My Daddy told me when I was a kid, he said: 'Son, you're a man. You're at the top of the food chain. If it walks, slithers, crawls, swims, flies, or breathes you can eat it. Don't worry about the rest.'" You don't even know how right you are bro, trying spending another 3 months here and you'll see how right you are.


  1. those animals are impressive, mostly the zebras, because they taught me how to read (true story).

    on a sidenote, glad you found some bulldogs on your safari (drake). we call iowans Idiots Out Walking Around. just a little midwest wisdom fur'ya.


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